State of Discontent

May 5, 2010

I’m in a place I’m not very fond of right now.  It’s a state of discontent.

Perhaps the reason I feel uncomfortable with my current status is because of what Paul wrote in Philippians 4:12.

“12I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.” (NIV)

My religious upbringing tells me I am sinning because right now I am feeling anything but content.

My faith tells me differently.

I am not the Apostle Paul.  I’m just Becky.  A middle aged mother, grandmother and wife who at the moment doesn’t feel she is doing a particularly good job of fulfilling any of those roles … not to mention all the other things I thought I would be doing by this time in my life.

My soul is more than ready for some kind of sign that things are about to change for the better.  God doesn’t seem to have much to say to me right now, yet I need to hear from Him more than ever before.

Understand this: I don’t need pumped up.  I don’t need scolding.

No sermons, please!  I’ve heard them all.  I know them by heart.

I do not like “hype”. I can spot it from a mile away.

I need something real and I need it real soon!

Last week I was in a restaurant when I overheard a conversation between a mother and her son.  The boy looked to be about eight years old.  He was quite plump and was in the process of explaining to the woman that he’d been unable to participate in gym class that day.  He told her that he stood to the side instead, and “moved his arms and legs up and down” while the other children played a game of basketball.

His mother responded, “That’s good! You don’t have to compete with the others.  I’ll be happy as long as you keep moving, even if you’re only marching in place.”

I suppose that’s what I feel like I’m doing; moving, but not necessarily going anywhere.  I’m going through the motions while I wait for further instructions.

But I am moving none-the-less.  Surely that counts for something.

I’ve been questioning this a lot lately.  It’s been so long since anything has gone as I believe it should, so  I’ve started to entertain the idea that maybe this is the new normal.  Perhaps this is how it’s going to be for the rest of my life.

That caused a protest to arise within my spirit.   I will not, can not stay here!  This isn’t where I belong.  The last thing I intend to do is give up and make it my permanent home.

So maybe, just maybe I am content on some level.

Content in the understanding that this too shall pass.

In the meantime, I’ll keep doing my part by making every effort I can to stay in motion.  Even though those efforts appear to be taking me nowhere at all.

Becky Taylor


Bold New Day! LLC

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2 Responses to “State of Discontent”

  1. G Says:

    Wow! I feel like your post was written about me.

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